It took 32 years and counting. I have been in a bit of a funk lately, but the show must go on, true, but not at the expense of my mental health. So, why was I under the assumption that I could be broken in a day, a week, a month, or a year, to be exact? Well, it’s no secret that I don’t want to be away from my family and friends, pretty much everything I built in the last 32 years. I felt everything was where it needed to be in my life, but I failed to realize that I am in fact still growing. I am not broken, but I am still being built. This experience is only going to make me stronger. My purpose may or may not appear within the next year, but I will continue to grow. I am not sure why I continued to seek validation in areas that didn’t matter to me before. I guess I enjoyed the distraction from what was really bothering me, I am still grieving. There is no way around that.
Today, I had one of those conversations that put everything into perspective with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Sophia. Sophia and me, we go way back, 6th grade to be exact. We grew up together. We went through the awkward teen years to the rowdy college years to joining the military to the mommy years. If anyone sees through my BS, it’s her. From middle school until now, she has always been the voice of reason, the one with knowledge way beyond their years. I would sometimes playfully refer to her as Mama Sophie. Our friendship has lasted through all of these years. We may not chat every day or month, but when we do, it’s as though we just talked. Today, we had one of those talks. I can always count on her to remind me of who I am. She did just that today. Sophia has a way of explaining things to me in a way that I will understand, again, she is wise beyond her years. I have been beating myself up because I wanted acceptance from a situation that is over. She explained that what is meant to be will be, but don't wait for it to be. I was so stuck on trying to make things right in a wrong situation. I thought being away would break everything I built, but she saw through my dramatics. She reminded me that Nique was not built in a day, so don’t try to destroy myself with this year that I am away. Now, this wasn’t the first time I heard it, but I believe this is the first time I really listened. I mean, I really listened. I am doing this post just so I won’t ever forget.
I wish everyone had them a Sophia. I am so thankful for her. I have allowed myself to be distracted and lose sight of what really matters. It seemed easy, until I started putting so much energy into being unhappy. I would rather put my energy into being happy, which isn’t a far stretch. I have my hubby, my kids, my family and friends. I will continue to make them proud. I will continue to allow myself to grow, because I wasn’t built in a day. This year will be another chapter in my life story for how I deal with a situation that I can’t control, but instead how I control myself in this situation.
So, this post is dedicated to not just Sophia, but to everyone that has genuinely reached out to make sure that I am ok. Those that continue to inspire me. I will let this be one of the last times I feel sorry for myself for being here.
Hopefully, the producers at Snapped include this verbatim in my introduction, just joking LOL.
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